Counting my Blessings.

God has had a huge impact on my life in the weeks following my return to church. It was a huge step for me, as I’ve entirely lost my way. I had started believing modern views on things and had classified myself as agnostic. The years following my absence from church weren’t exactly the happiest years of my life. I started making bad choices and quickly spiraled out of control. I was trying to control areas of my life that were uncontrollable. I was given choices by God and continually making the wrong choice. It caught up with me in the end.

I can’t honestly say that I’d take those years back, because I believe I needed those years to get me to where I’m at. I’m not commonly someone who wants to go back and change the way her life went. I understand that everything that has happened to me has made me who I am today. I’m quite fond of that person, most days.

More recently, however, I’ve noticed God ‘speaking’ to me more and more. Maybe it’s because I’m paying attention now. Maybe it’s because I’m seeking His guidance. Whatever it is, I’m taking the time to thank Him for it now. For everything I’ve seen He’s done for me and for the blessings he’s sent me and the answers I’ve been given.

Prayer wasn’t always something I was comfortable with. However, lately, I’ve prayed for everything. I’ve prayed for patience in situations and it was granted. I’ve prayed for signs on the path in which he wanted me to take and they were given to me. I’ve prayed for sanity and… Well I guess the jury is still out on that one!

I think it all dawned on me the other night at work. I was having a particularly rough time. I had learned of some things that didn’t exactly sit well with me. I was busy stewing about this news when something just clicked. I was suddenly very adamant about finding another job. I was sure this was just anger hitting me. I absolutely love my job and I’m good at it. But I entertained the notion of leaving and started looking for other jobs.

The next morning I texted a new friend of mine, Melissa, who I’d met through exceptionally uncanny circumstances. (God works in mysterious ways, no?) I asked her if she’d be willing to help me out with writing my resume and cover letter for a few jobs I’m interested in. She was more than happy to oblige. She loves this kind of thing. Which is great! Because I loathe this kind of thing. We set up a day to get working on it and after the conversation with her I, again, had this overwhelming feeling that God was trying to tell me something. I stopped “entertaining” the idea of leaving my job and set out to just do it.

Melissa and I met online. On Baby Center. I’m from Nebraska and there isn’t a lot of women on Baby Center from Nebraska, let alone the town I’m from. So, when I learned Melissa lived close to me, I became pretty excited. We e-mailed back and forth quite a bit at first and after a few exchanges she added me to her Facebook account. I noticed she had a friend on her page that I had known and lost contact with 2 years ago, so without a second thought I added that person. The very next day I receive an e-mail from Melissa (who’s pretty freaked out, by the way) because I’d added her mother to my Facebook page. She tried to remain calm in her e-mail—but her eebie jeebies were entirely evident. I explained how I knew her mom (which she double checked, of course) and the friendship snowballed from there.

I’m not sure either of us were really all that excitable about meeting an online friend. It probably would’ve been 6 months to a year before we took that step. But since I’d known her mom so well (and I wasn’t a creepy internet weirdo) she trusted me enough to go out for drinks.

At the time when we met up for drinks I was at a seriously low point in my life. My best friend of 20 years was getting married in Omaha and was terribly busy with her wedding. I really didn’t have the money to visit her as often as I needed a friend and neither did she. My best friend from college was busy with graduate school in Colorado and that’s an even longer drive. I had no real friends near me. I was desperately seeking that one friend. It’s hard to describe any other way. That one friend who you can tell anything to. The one who you can call with only a 10 minutes’ notice and go for a drink or a pedicure or to the mall. The one who’s on the same page in life as you are.

Then God sent me Melissa who’s blessed with rockin’ resume writing skills among other awesome things, like Margarita blending, and lasagna baking. So, she’s totally multi-purposed.

I believe God led me straight to Peach Lutheran Church as well. I’m still trying to understand his motives for this, however, because as I understand it our Pastor won’t marry us since we live together. The Lutheran (Missouri Synod) religion, as I understand it, also doesn’t recognize gay men and women. I’ve got two family members who are openly gay and I have yet to speak to our Pastor about this. I don’t know how it will change the views I have of the church right now. I guess it depends on what he has to say. He does seem to be a rather passionate man so whatever he says will be no different. He’ll be very passionate about it and he’ll let us know that.

I’ve started getting pretty involved in the church and I really do feel at home there. I’m in adult instruction classes now and I’ve volunteered to help with the youth group activities. I’ve met a few great people in the congregation which I’m excited about. However, I still haven’t seen what He’s trying to show me by guiding me to this church or this branch of Christianity. I guess only time will tell.

Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I should be back up and posting like normal for the next few weeks!